Harry Pussy Potter and The Buttocks of Fury

It is the beginning of another year at the 'Teabag-wards School of Butt-crack Magic'. Harry Potter just got ready for his trip to school when a Bus came down his alley and picks him up. Everyone in the bus starts murmuring, "Hey, It's Harry Pussy Potter!". The conductor gives tickets to Harry along with a smile saying, "It's an honor to have you on our Bus, Mr. Pussy Potter". Harry, always annoyed from childhood about this name, requests him with his British accent, "Excuse me, I really enjoy your admiration for me, but I don't feel good when my middle name is always included when pronouncing me". The conductor sighs, "Mr. Potter, No one can change what happened 20 or whatever years ago! Everyone knows that 'you know who/poo' attacked you and he got his arse kicked hard. Your two gay fathers did gave their lives to protect you but not completely as you got circumcised for good. Since then, your middle name had been more the verdict than whatever your original faggot name is". Having no reply to such an intelligent explanation, Potter goes back to his empty seat and enjoys the ride with his head resting on the window.

The cold air blazing through his hair stopped flowing when the bus halts to pick up Ron. Pussy Potter as usual gets excited to see him since he is the only cool friend he ever had. His two twin brothers, hide the pot they were smoking from. They all started to talk about what they did in their God forsaken holidays.

A girl jumps beside their seats and starts saying stupid shit in highly pathetic British accent which is always irrelevant to story's plot. You got it right, Miss Hormones Grinder, though smoking hot, annoys both the guys with constant bullshit of plot's twists and turns.

On arriving to Teabag-wards, everyone's excited. Harry always feels the school as his home because everyone in his field of view is as gay as him. They summon up in the big hall where Prof. Dumbleballs announces that the 'Ministry of non-existent Magic' have given the honor of hosting the championship of 'Buttocks of Fury' to Teabag-wards. He goes towards a Goblet looking shape under a cloth which when he removes, turns out to be a big ass which is constantly farting fire. The CG model of the Butts is pixellated, low polygon and ugly normal mapped; Seems like the Bungie guys modeled it (who made the HALO video games). Since after creating hype, anyone can feed constipated shit to audience, the people in the big-hall become anxious and excited about the Championship.

Prof. Dumbleballs summons all students and asks the interested people, to write their name on a piece of paper and squeeze it in the butt-cheek, if they want to compete in the championship. He warns that only 23 year old or above hot chicks are allowed. Interrupting, the 'Ministry of non-existing-magic' personal makes a sound clearing his throat... Prof says, "Ohkay alright, boys are also allowed, but only 23 or old". He says that after sometime they will see which are the lucky ones the great buttock has chosen.

Meanwhile after some classes, Dr. Moody, a teacher, calls upon all the girls to a special class. He clearly stated only girls, but still Miss Hormones was thrown out. She looked devastated and clears out to Ron and Potter that for Moody's class her hooters were too small for the magic they are playing inside. What magic that could be? Ron and Potter get confused as it didn't seem a proper explanation.

Night falls over the sky, all aspiring candidates assemble near the buttock, guarded by Dumbleballs. The buttock farts loud and a shit wrapped paper comes out, some guys name is written over it, they are called upon one by one. Just when everyone thought the ceremony is over, the final fart of the Buttock rumbles and another paper comes out with the name "Harry Pussy Potter" on it. Prof Dumbleballs is angry as he knows Potter is not as old as he can participate in this competition and that once chosen by the Buttock, no one dares to back out. Prof asks for Potter 2 times, without any reply he screams, "Harry butt-hole Pussy Potter!!!!". Terror lies in every heart, Potter tremors as he moves towards the prof. People start murmuring that Harry is such a pussy. Frustrated Dumbleballs returns to his office and declares the ceremony is over and everyone return to their dorms. He also said, Moody will be taking care of girls' dorms tonight.

In the office, the man from 'Ministry of non-existing magic' says the tournament should be closed this year, there is no chance that young child is playing this game. Dumbleballs, who knows a lot of magic (which doesn't exists) makes the officer realize that the Buttock is no normal ass, he explains, "It has squeezed inside all those who didn't listen to its words in the past. We can let that stupid Potter get squeezed, but the Buttock is an asshole, it squeezes everyone responsible in the matter. Until now the Buttock has squeezed inside millions of people, who are converted into 'World of Warcraft fans' inside, can you think of anything terrible happening to you?". The officer is a stubborn bitch, he says he will commit a suicide before he is made a fan of Warcraft. To which Dumbleballs says, "Ohkay, forget about everything, Will you let the competition run, if I would suck your balls?". Officer agrees as instantly as it seemed that that's the exact return he wanted.

So will Pussy Potter fight the tournament? Did he himself squeezed his name in the Buttocks? Will Ron get laid? Who else's balls will Dumble suck? Why isn't Hormones Grinder invited in Moody's class? Stay tuned for Part II.